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PINCH 
WEASEL
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KRiS - - - --JEREMy------BoB - --- --jOEL
The Story
Meet the newest member of the Pinchweasel family, BOB , the band's drummer. Originally from parts unknown, Bob left his family in search of the fame, fortune, and adventure that he could not have at home. All he really wanted was to force his musical vision on three bandmates, and then the world, but he just never really had the opportunity. He didn't have the opportunity, that is, until January of 1999 when he was dishonorably discharged from the Mexican army for stealing tequila. After a few months in a Tijuana prison, Bob wandered back to the United States, finding that not only was he broke, but completely unemployable as well. Unfortunately, he was compelled to continue. While in jail he had a vision (some would call it a bad trip) of a smelly capybara with a strange English accent telling him to go to Baltimore, where he would find his destiny. Despite the years he spent in Baltimore waiting for fate to fulfill it's promise, Bob still found himself mired in obscurity, poverty, and boredom. Then he met Joel.
JOEL is the elder statesman of Pinch Weasel. He is best known as a journeyman, a traveling guitar virtuoso, selling his skills to the highest bidder. In fact, you may remember him from Crosby, Stills, Nash, Young, and Gerber. However, despite the success that comes from being a founding member of the Alan Parsons Project, Joel was down on his luck in 1999. After leaving the cultural wealth of New Orleans, he found himself spiritually wasted and adrift in the mean streets of East Baltimore, selling crack to the rough middle school crowd. Business was so bad that he considered opening a new business in Wyman Park. He couldn't have known at the time, but it was only a matter of time before things turned around. Early in that fall of 1999, Joel had the good fortune of asking Bob for bus fare, as he had "just gotten out of the hospital," or he "wanted to get across town and visit his kid," or some other such nonsense. Sensing opportunity, Bob made Joel an offer he could not refuse. Play guitar in his band, Bob said, and he would give him bus fare. And then there were two.
Raised by the last remaining wolves in Maryland, JEREMY used to live a much simpler life. He was never the most skilled hunter in the pack, but he could always be found struggling to spread his seed among the group. The real story begins when Jeremy was a long-haired teenager, and he was kicked out the den for becoming a vegetarian. Jeremy was in both Los Angeles and Seattle at the right time, but he has never been able to keep his act together. He joined L.A. Guns, but was kicked out for improper hair care, and started Pearl Jam, but was sent packing when he could not grow a goatee. Like the rest of Pinch Weasel, he drifted to Baltimore, where he knew the next musical revolution would begin, and positive that this time he would not blow it. He had begun eating meat again and had been playing guitar in the semi obscure Afterload, when he caught the attention of Chris and Joel, who were in a bar discussing plans. When told of Bob's hallucination, Jeremy said, "Capybara? Sounds tasty!" and signed up. After all, who can argue with destiny?
You may remember KRIS as Will Divide from such movies as Cat and Mouse II and Romancing The Bone. Less a porn star than a porn supporting actor in second rate movies, Kris gave it all up when he found his own personal savior. Kris was a model of clean living and morality for a full five weeks and two days, when he suddenly managed to lose Him again. Needing money, he went crawling back to porn, only to find that for reasons he will not discuss, he is no longer employable in the adult entertainment industry. Kris found out by talking to his friends that bass players, like drummers, are in demand all over the world, and it was definitely cheaper to buy a bass. The guys found him coming out of a music store with his brand new, bottom of the line bass and no amp, and due to his weakened mental state, they tricked him into the band. Now Kris plays the bass for Pinch Weasel, for one loaf of bread each week. He may be worth much less than that, though. Last week, after the police found him floating face down in the Inner Harbor and fished him out, the band had to bribe the paramedics to resuscitate him.
What does this all mean? Bob took a wrong turn on his way to his destiny, and he now finds himself captive to three clowns who know how hard it is to find a good drummer. But they're sticking with him anyway.
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